In Memory of Jaleya..Always Loved, Never Forgotten

Dear Jaleya,
I have started to write this so many times, but the words wouldn't come out right. Today has been excruciatingly difficult though, and I no longer care how the words flow. I needed to do this.

Since we lost you my mind has continuously raced. Thoughts of old times and memories from long ago have flooded my mind, and this knot in my stomach just won't let up. Even now as I write this, the tears keep coming. I think of geometry class and the notes you passed me every day, the talks we had and the laughs we shared. I also think about what you wrote me in my yearbook, song lyrics. It drives me crazy that I cannot remember the song and I hate that I don't have any of those things here with me. They are stored away for safe keeping in New Mexico, but I would give anything to be able to read them again. I know we didn't stay in as close of contact as we used to, and it brings me such regret. I know we have talked, but now it seems like it was nowhere near enough.

Your memorial service was beautiful, and I could feel you there with us throughout. We miss you so much, and you affected so many people in such positive ways that you may have never known. I love you and your family like my own, and I don't know how they are making it through their days without you. But, I promise to try to do anything I can to help them. Honestly, the only time I have felt even remotely ok was when we were all together this weekend. You brought us together in a very special way, and for that I truly thank you. After the service, there was a lot of talk amongst us (and you know who I mean) about taking things for granted and spending time with the ones we truly love. Promises were made, and I truly believe they will be kept.

I know you left us too soon, but from our loss has come much inspiration and an outpouring of love. You would be so proud. In the spirit of trying to look on the bright side, those are the things your life and memory have accomplished. In life, you have always inspired me to be a better person and to smile...your smile, that is one of the things I miss the most. They say that only time can heal the pain, but at this point this is still to be determined. I know my heart will always ache when I think of you. And, I am pretty sure that I am going to drive A.J. crazy with all my texting. But, on days like today, the really really hard days, the only way I feel like I can make it through is to know that he is ok and to tell him I love him.

You will always be special, and I think I speak for us all in your extended family when I say that you will ALWAYS hold a very special place in our hearts...Always. If there was anything I could do to bring you back and make everyone's pain go away, you know that I would. I love you, Jaleya, and I wish you peace.